


Emotionless

by crumbledkookie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, rivamika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 12:46:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4746971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crumbledkookie/pseuds/crumbledkookie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never shed a tear. He never mourn. He never show any grief over a comrade's death. Is it really true that he's that heartless?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emotionless

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first RivaMika fic, so please don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts about it. :)  
> I'm not much of a fluff writer, so this is not a flowery lovey dovey one. I really hope you enjoy it.  
> Thank you so much for reading!

He never showed any emotion. Never.

He would always stare straight to his front, eyes remained calm and steps steady. Even after so many failed expeditions, he would never show a hint of sadness in his face. Even after he saw his whole squad's lifeless bodies lying on the ground, or after he witnessed the gruesome death of so many soldiers he once called comrades, or after he saw citizens slaughtered and devoured by the titans.

None. Not a single emotion appeared on his face.

At first, Mikasa thought he was cold and heartless. She thought Humanity's Strongest was just a cold-blooded-titan-killing-machine who would even sacrifice the lives of innocent people and walked away without feeling any guilt. She had come to hate him. She had wanted to kill him numerous times. She had wanted to beat him to death with her own hands and tasted his blood just to see if he could still maintain that expressionless face.

She cried when she lost her parents. She cried when she almost lost Eren. She cried when she thought of her fallen friends. She cried when she witnessed human bodies scattered on the ground. Men, women, children. Even when people said she was strong, she still have a heart.

Unlike him.

Unlike the man who stood still near the pile of corpses with nothing inside his steel grey eyes. No emotion. No feelings. Nothing.

She. Hated. Him.

"Then kill me," were his words when she confronted him one day, slamming him to against the wall with her hand gripping on his neck. "Kill me. Tear me apart. Shatter me to pieces."

His reply made her even more furious, but for a moment there, she saw something strange and in his usually emotionless eyes that caused her to back off a few steps. She saw a glimpse of remorse. She saw sadness, frustration.

The first time she ever witnessed Levi, the Humanity's Strongest, the heartless titan killer, showed his true feeling even just for mere two seconds. And it stabbed her right in her heart like a sharpened knife. Straight through and past her chest.

The Captain avoided her gaze, eyes no longer showing any emotion as he walked away from her, leaving the raven stood in disbelief at her place. She barely even had the chance to snap herself back to reality before she realized he was gone.

He was gone, back to his usual state. She, however, would never be able to forget about what she had just witnessed.

She never talked about it to anyone else. Not even Eren or Armin. She decided to keep it to herself until she confirmed that what she saw was not some kind of hallucination. But it was so hard to even approach him. It would be even harder to make him open up.

No one had ever been able to make it happen. No one. Not even Erwin or Hange.

"Don't bother me anymore," he said that day, when she was bringing his tea to his working room and saw a few badges inside his opened drawer. She had asked him about it, and he refused to say anything except those four hurtful words.

"Mind your own fucking business," he said to her after she tried to help him with his wounds. He refused to get any help or treatment, always heading straight to his own room after the expedition and locked himself inside for a full day.

"Don't get involved with me," he told her, without a harsh tone this time, after she asked him about the story she heard from other soldiers, mentioning his past of being underground thugs.

"Stay away from me," he said to her in his coldest tone that night when she woke up due to her thirst and made her way to the kitchen to get some water. She found him sitting alone in the dining room while everyone were already asleep, holding the same badges she saw inside his drawer that one time, the same remorse filling his eyes.

That was the second time she saw him breaking. Yet he—again—avoided her like she was just a pebble in his way that need to be kicked off.

Times and times again. More cold words, harsh attitude, rejection and denial, yet the raven never seemed to give up. Something inside her had changed ever since that day she saw his emotion. Something inside her grew a feeling that she should never have. Something that would make him furious and would want to keep the longest distance from her as much as possible.

Something inside her began to understand, that he wasn't a heartless person.

He was just best at hiding it.

Eren and Armin had questioned her about her strange new habit of following the Captain, her eagerness to help him, her stubbornness to keep staying beside him even after he rejected any kind of affection she gave to him in her own way.

She would only smile a bit, saying that she would be okay and it was her intention to do so. So they left her be, even though they were wondering what made Mikasa wanted to be with him.

It took days, weeks, even months full of cold words and rejections yet she still hadn't given up on him. And he noticed it. He noticed that she wouldn't back off no matter what. He noticed that she would force her way inside his fucked up life and succeed unless he do something to prevent it from happening.

She can't be involved with him.

She just can't.

She's got such a bright future ahead of her and he would only be standing in her way. He would only break her, destroy her, turn her into nothingness. He would only wreck her and she would never be able to fix him.

He knew.

Or so he thought he knew.

Until that one rainy day, in a certain expedition, he saw her limp body lying on the ground. Covered with mud and blood. Unmoving.

He had never ran so fast in his life.

All of a sudden, the scenes of his friends' deaths flashed before his eyes. His memories with them, their laughter, their affection for him, until the memory of their lifeless eyes hit him hard. He didn't even blink when he slashed through the flesh and bones of the titan before her. He didn't even stop to catch his breath as the limbs fell one by one to the ground.

He didn't even bother to turn around to see the dead titan's body as he approached the girl with the red scarf, dying on the ground. He lifted her to his arms, one hand under her knees and another under her back, the slow thump inside her chest was the only thing that kept him sane as he brought her back to the main point.

And for the very first time, he felt that great fear of losing.

After all the years he spent to redeem his emotion.

Wasted and lost in an instant.

"Save her," he said to them. "Save her. Please."

* * *

 

*

_Please. Not her. Please._

_*_

* * *

One hour. Two hours. Seven hours.

One day. Four days.

One week.

He waited. He waited. He waited. He waited. He waited so long.

Hange said she had gone to a coma state. Her heart was still beating, but something held her back from waking up. No one knew what. No one knew why. But Levi had never left her side unless he needed to eat, clean himself, or called by Erwin. He would stare at her peaceful face, wondering what she was dreaming of, why she refused to wake up, and what he should do to make her open her eyes.

He missed her.

Her stubbornness. Her annoying remarks. Her voice.

He missed her.

He missed her badly it started to make him lose himself.

"Leave me alone," he told Hange and Erwin when they suggested him to get a proper rest.

"Don't bother me," he told Eren and Armin when they offered him to take care of Mikasa.

"Fuck off," he told everybody who asked him to take care of himself properly.

* * *

 

 

He waited. He waited. He waited.

He waited. He waited. He waited. He waited.

He waited. He waited. He waited. He waited. He waited.

 

* * *

 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he asked one day whenhe entered Mikasa's room to see Hange and two other soldiers were standing around her bed, discussing something. The glasses woman glanced at him, eyes full of sympathy.

"Levi, this can't go on forever," she said, approaching him carefully. He glared daggers at her words. "The fuck do you mean?"

"She's dying, Levi," Hange replied calmly.

"She's breathing. Her heartbeat is—"

"Not for long," she cut him off. He stared at her, dumbfounded for a second before his furious glare returned.

"No," he said through gritted teeth. "Don't you fucking touch her!" he pointed at the soldier who was holding a syringe on his hand.

"I'll fucking kill you! Get away from her!" he approached them will full anger, one soldier tried to stop him but he shoved him aside, making the soldier fall to the floor. He grabbed the one who was holding a syringe by the collar as Hange tried to separate them.

"No!" he shoved both of them aside. "Get the fuck out!"

"Levi, this has to stop. Look at yourself," Hange said, beginning to get angry.

"I won't let you do it!" he shouted at them, voice echoing through the hall, startling the soldiers that passed by. "Please… please, don't…"

He fell to his knees, surprising the three other soldiers in the room. Hange was surely not expecting that, seeing the so called heartless Humanity Strongest so broken. None of the soldiers could say a word, too dumbfounded at the scene in front of them. Even the other soldiers that came to the room to see what was going on there.

Not even Erwin, Eren or Armin.

"Please… you can take everything away from me…" his voice was cracked, heartbreaking. "Just not her… please…"

That day, Humanity Strongest broke down in tears, in front of his fellow soldiers. That day, those who witnessed that scene swore that if anyone ever called this man heartless, they would punch that person in the face. That day, for the first time, the soldiers kneeled around their Captain, comforting him as much as they can.

That day, the girl on the bed opened her eyes.

A weak hand was placed on the back of the crying man, unnoticed by everyone in the room until Levi turned around. A pair of onyx colored eyes stared at his grey ones, a weak smile on the pale lips. And the sound of his name had never sounded more beautiful.

"Levi…"

 

* * *

 

 

"Don't bother me," he said to her, annoyed at how she was distracting him in the middle of observing the new recruits' training. The raven girl smiled at him in response instead of making a sarcastic remark.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked, tilting her head at him.

He didn't spare any glance at her but his jaw clenched at her question. "…No."

"You said you don't want to be bothered," she replied with an amused smile on her lips.

He grunted at her, crossing his arms in annoyance. She nodded at his gesture and spun on her heels, beginning to walk away. "Okay, then."

 _This brat_. He thought to himself, still acting stubborn as he kept standing on his place, battling with himself that wanted him to pull her back to his side.

It was not more than five seconds when he gave up.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," he cursed, half-running towards her and pulled her hand. She was smiling at his predictable reaction, but surely she didn't expect what was coming after.

In front of the new recruits, in front of Erwin, in front of almost all of their comrades that was present in the training field.

The so called Humanity Strongest kissed the girl he finally opened his heart for.


End file.
